So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
