I'm going to jail i love you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
