Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
They have beer where we have blood.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
