My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize