Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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