so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
