ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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