I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Too much gin, very little bucket
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
