your thong is hanging out like whoa
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
