We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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