omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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