Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
