I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
