Welp...herpes.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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