none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
