oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
