That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
