im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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