Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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