erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
