hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
