This is not my ceiling
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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