Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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