so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
