I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
