we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
