my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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