Already got asked if we're dating
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
