WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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