shes about as inviting as chlamydia
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
