The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He has the fingertips of a God
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