I hate all girls vehemently.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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