This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
