is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
