one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
