I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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