I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize