I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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