What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
