apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
