apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
