: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
