so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
