When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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