I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize