What a fucking waste of an outfit
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I pour the whiskey from now on
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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