so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Enjoy the penises
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
