I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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