I just saw a hot homeless man
Welp...herpes.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
