i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
