Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize