he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
