So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
