sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
