I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
