WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize