I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
