A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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