How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
