NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize