Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
