yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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