I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
