that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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