I want to have your abortion
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize