so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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