Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
